I call it “records.” Well, actually the executive coach that introduced the concept to me called it “records,” and it was one of the most valuable relationship tools I have learned.  I was guilty (of creating "records" on people), and everyone I have shared the teachings with has admitted to such as well.

Let me play it out for you, so humor me on the character setting. Salesperson Sarah is calling on Prospect Jane, and it is Sarah’s third follow-up call. In the first two calls, Sarah began to formulate an opinion on how Jane would act or respond throughout the discussion. From the introduction to conclusion, Sarah felt she now had Jane figured out.

That is where Sarah failed. None of us can really predict behavior (consistently anyway); there are simply too many variables in life. What my coach made me aware of was that I was in fact going into meetings and thinking that I already knew how it would play through and ultimately end. You see, I thought I had the other person pegged and thus had created “records” on the person. I envisioned the old-fashioned Rolodex of index cards, and on each one I had notes about the person, from how they would act based on how they said hello, to their ‘track record’ on prior decisions. What this mindset did was effect how I acted, from my attitude to my message to my demeanor (including non-verbal). It determined the end result before the conversation even began.

So how did I change – or should I say, what do I remind myself of daily? Burn the index cards (erase the “records”). Do not call on Jane and think you know how she will act. Treat each and every call like it is your first with her. Do not expect the outcome – create the outcome. A conversation is not a script, it is a living dialogue. You may be surprised how this simple lesson can apply to all of the relationships in your life.